O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize