woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
