drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize