Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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