I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think my moral compass just broke
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
