I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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