Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
