Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
