her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
