there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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