dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
