Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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