my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
