hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
