I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
