Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
