You're so nebulous sometimes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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