Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
