You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize