Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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