you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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