Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
