I haven't been this sober since birth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
