I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
