there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
