For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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