So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
