Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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