I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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