So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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