The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
