the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
