***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
