some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
