Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
you had me at cake vodka
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
