so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
