Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
