the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize