he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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