it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
