Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
