fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
