I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
