remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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