my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
