At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
