You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
