How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
