if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
