Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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