At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
