Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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