Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
