3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
