Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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