Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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