No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
