Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
