You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize