i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Shame - the story of my life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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