You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
