see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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