Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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