We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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