i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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