I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
