He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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