I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
