the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
