dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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