If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize