I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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