dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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