pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
