At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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