Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
foreskin is a definite game changer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
