i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
