JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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