before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
