Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
